'Cats' Movie Running Diary: "I had a meltdown"
Katherine Hebert
One of our New York critics watched the ‘Cats’ movie. Here were her thoughts. Warning: Spoiler Alert
Russels Hotel and Rising Sun those are nice nods
WHY. DO. THEY. HAVE. TOES.
So, if there are humans does that mean that in this universe the Jellicle cats are human cat hybrids and there are still normal looking cats in houses and stuff? Is that why they threw the Victoria person cat in the alleyway? Because she was a Jellicle?
NOW THEY ARE MENACINLGLY CIRCLING THE BAG AND HISSING AT IT WHAT IS THIS HOSTILITY?
This one soprano though
Everyone in this cat cult is either mean or trying to hook up with our protagonist and I’m really not into it
I wish the camera would pan out so you could actually see the choreography
Um I love the trap beat in the prologue
Macavity is dressed like the flasher that lives next door and I was not prepared for a “Hairspray” crossover
It took the Cats movie 8 minutes to say “Cat got your tongue”
You know “Naming of Cats” would be less culty if they opted to not set it in a LITERAL GRAVEYARD
Why is Mistoffles so aggressively heterosexual in this version?
You know when Munkustrap explains the Jellicle choice concept without the orchestration it does sound like he’s describing a death cult
Don’t make Rebel Wilson sing live.
Why would you cut the trio in lieu of Rebel Wilson singing off-pitch I don’t get it
WHY ARE THE MICE CHILDREN????
This was much better executed when the mice were just cats in costumes?
Who plays Munkustrap? Because they’re killing it.
It’s Robert Fairchild but Munkustrap the character has a Wikipedia page.
Hold on all of the “Cats” characters have Wikipedia pages.
Someone went out of their way to make all twenty-something characters in “Cats” the musical individual character pages on Wikipedia.
Rebel Wilson just pulled her tail in between her legs and used it as a microphone
In the stage version they’re weren’t literally cockroaches so idk why Hooper felt the need to scare us like this.
Did we really need the camera to go inbetween the cockroaches legs?
Who decided that Rebel Wilson unzipping her cat skin to reveal a second cat skin in a vest and shorts was better than just idk having her take off a fur coat like in the stage version?
Why would Rebel Wilson eat her cockroach dancers instead of just eating the cake they’re standing on?
They made significant changes to “Jennyany Dots”, and all of them are confusing.
Jason Derulo sang Rum Tum Tugger’s name at the beginning of his song instead of his own because he’s a committed actor.
Jason Derulo didn’t need to do a cockney accent but he did that for us.
Jason Derulo is doing such a good job and I don’t understand why we keep cutting away to Rebel Wilson trying to heckle him?
Robert Fairchild uncomfortably laughing at Rebel Wilson’s improv is a forever mood.
I buy Jason Derulo 1000%
Who made Jennifer Hudson crawl out of the shot on her hands and knees? Jennifer Hudson has an Oscar. Who did this?
All of these performers really are incredible
I cannot believe I have the post Judy Dench engagement ring cut, what is this snapchat face swap feature nonsense.
It’s really a shame that James Corden and Rebel Wilson are only given dialogue that pokes fun at their weight.
Did Macavaty really just interrupt James Corden’s song to kidnap Rebel Wilson?
Did we really need a fat joke and a nut punch joke within 30 seconds of eachother?
The CGI champagne literally looks like a snapchat filter.
How has no one noticed that Rebel Wilson is gone?
Why this version of Mungojerry and Rumpleteazer? The OBC version slaps?
Why are there dogs in this universe and what do they look like?
I completely forgot about Growltiger’s cameo oh my god.
So, they looked for James Corden for five minutes then Judi Dench cat shows up and they’re just fine with leaving him abducted? And they still have not noticed Rebel Wilson’s disappearance???
Jellicles are real tight until Idris Elba in a trench coat and snatches your friend with a fishbone and a fat joke.
I hate all of these random side glances that are supposed to constitute some type of character development but take attention off of the song, performance and exposition that is currently being delivered. It’s so scattered it borders on incompetence.
During the largest dance sequence in Cats Tom Hooper cuts away from the dancing to a scene that is literally already built into the score and script of the stage version but also still keeps that moment? So instead of dancing I’m watching the same scene twice?
I really wish this was shot so you could see the dancing Hooper cuts away a second to early everytime.
THESE DANCERS ARE DOING STRADDLING THESE MEN’S SHOULDERS THEN SWINGING OFF OF THEM INTO A BACK ATTITUDE WITH THEIR ARMS IN THE AIR AND WE CUT AWAY TO JUDY DENCH INHALING
They literally cut the pas de deux in the Jellicle Ball and honestly if that sequence isn’t there then why am I even here?
Why do some cats have sneakers?
I wish everything about this was better because these dancers are all so talented.
“Beautiful Ghosts” didn’t need to jack that reprise of “Memory” in “Moments of Happiness”.
I’m literally reading the lyrics of “Beautiful Ghosts” and I still cannot tell you what it’s purpose is in the half-baked narrative they’re trying to craft.
Sir Ian McKellen drinking water out of a bowl wasn’t something I needed to see. But he sells this song.
Wow Judi Dench has significant flexibility I wasn’t ready for that side extension.
Making Skimbleshanks a tap number was a such a good call I’m not even wondering why these cats suddenly have tap shoes. I buy all of it.
My favorite part of this song is the mouse that screams “CATS!” as he runs way from a group of human cats that have Maxi- Forded into the hallway after him.
Skimbleshanks can tap dance on my throat and I’d say thank you.
Taylor Swift descends from the heavens riding on a light up moon being held up by a string attached to nothing to save this movie
Why does Taylor Swift have heels?
Why does Taylor Swift get to have boobs?
Oh it’s cause she brought drugs to the party that’s why
Okay so in this universe does Catnip makes you join in a sexy dance number about your mortal enemy cause count me in.
IDRIS ELBA LOOKS NAKED. WHY IS HIS FUR THE SAME COLOR AS HIS SKIN. WHY COULDN’T YOU GIVE HIM STRIPES OR SOMETHING WHAT IS HAPPENING???
Instead of choreography we have Taylor Swift and naked Idris Elba walking upstairs in rhythm together and honestly the rest of this movie was such a mess that I’m not even mad.
So Macavity’s plan was to abduct all of his competition put them on a boat and then abduct Judi Dench and demand she pick him to die or else she has to walk the plank????????
Rumpleteazer and Mungojerry literally helped a known cat terrorist and they just get let off the hook like that?
I really hate super straight nervous Mister Mistoffelees talk singing his whole song, it’s so underwhelming.
Jason Derulo creeping into the shot singing falsetto trying to inject any life into this moment
Why did we need to see Judy Dench get threatened with plank walking if she was just going to reappear 2 minutes later.
You know they wouldn’t have to stop the action and cut away to an embarrassing escape sequence if they’d cast actors able to be on set for longer than 3 days.
Taylor Swift literally showed up in the last act for fifteen minutes drugged everyone then fell off the movie
Skimbleshanks literally just tap-danced an antagonist off of the boat. Iconic.
I’m 90 minutes into this movie and I still laugh when they hiss at eachother.
Did they add the snot to Jennifer Hudson’s face in post? Was that a choice? Or did no one on set have a tissue?
Jennifer Hudson was too good for this she’s incredible.
Poor anyone that has to duet with Jennifer Hudson she’s that good.
Grizzabella was only the Jellicle choice because without Skimbleshanks the public transit system would collapse, and I am furious that I care.
DO NOT TRY TO PUT A REPRISE OF “BEAUTIFUL GHOSTS” INTO THIS AS IF IT WAS A MUSICAL THROUGHLINE IN THE SCORE AND NOT A DESPERATE GRASP AT AN OSCAR NOM.
Naked Idris Elba shows up at the emotional climax of the movie, completely dissipates any emotion the audience could have been feeling, only to freefall “Wiley Cayote” style after trying to cling to Jennifer Hudson’s chandelier balloon to heaven.
When adapting a musical that contained constant fourth wall breaking Hooper opted to have Judi Dench address the audience directly after not doing so for the entire film.
Worse than that she does this while literally a song on how to call a Cats name. AS IF WE HAD NOT JUST WATCHED AN ENTIRE MUSICAL OF CATS INTRODUCING THEMSELVES
This movie is set in the future when months of self-isolation have relegated us into our homes and the cat humans have taken over.