What Not to Do When Someone Hates Your Performance...

by Chris Peterson, OnStage Blog Founder

Theatre folks are sensitive. It’s part of the job. We bare our souls on stage in front of friends, strangers, and at least one person who definitely didn’t want to be there but got dragged along by their friend who swears this show will “change your life.”

So when someone critiques us—especially harshly—it stings. Even when we say it doesn’t. Even when we’ve trained ourselves to smile politely and say, “All feedback is helpful.” (It isn’t. Let’s not lie to ourselves.)

But recently, I saw a situation that made me think about how not to respond to criticism—and it was a doozy.

I saw an actress received a particularly nasty comment online. And instead of letting it go or addressing it gracefully, she… overreacted. Big time. The kind of overreaction that turns a frustrating situation into a full-on drama. It escalated quickly and ended with her looking far more unhinged than the commenter who started it. What could have been a “wow, that was mean” moment turned into a cautionary tale of what happens when emotion overrides judgment.

And let me be clear—I’m not writing this from some place of moral superiority. I’ve absolutely overreacted before. I’ve sent snarky texts, written dramatic posts, and more than once spent way too long obsessing over a throwaway comment someone made regarding my content. It’s human. Theatre makes us feel things deeply—and sometimes that passion spills over into moments we wish we could take back.

But here’s the thing: when you react like that, the conversation stops being about the unfair criticism and becomes entirely about your overreaction. The story shifts from “unjustly criticized performer” to “unhinged musical theatre diva goes full attack mode on a keyboard warrior.” And once that happens, it’s game over. You’ve lost the moral high ground, the public’s sympathy, and possibly your next audition opportunity—because believe me, people talk.

It’s tempting to lash out when someone takes a shot at your work. Especially when theatre is so personal, so vulnerable. But every time we clap back with vengeance instead of maturity, we reinforce the worst stereotypes about artists—that we’re fragile, dramatic, and unable to take criticism.

So, instead of doxxing a random reviewer, here are a few healthier ways to deal

1. Take a beat.

Feel the feelings. Let yourself be upset. But give it a day before you respond—or don’t respond at all. Knee-jerk reactions rarely end well (see: above). Sleep on it, go for a walk, sing through your rage in the shower—whatever helps you move from hot reaction to measured reflection. Time gives you perspective. Don’t let someone’s 30-second comment dictate your next 24 hours.

2. Ask yourself what’s useful.

Sometimes the delivery is nasty, but the note is valid. Other times, the criticism says more about the person writing it than about your performance. Sort the wheat from the mess. Is there a nugget of helpful insight in there—something you hadn’t noticed or could grow from? If so, take it. If not, hit delete(yeah, I said delete the comment), block the person, and move on. You’re not required to hold onto every opinion handed to you.

3. Let your circle lift you.

Text a theatre friend. Call your director. Re-read that one nice email from an audience member who said your performance reminded them of their grandmother. Anchor yourself in the people who know your worth. Your creative community is your safety net. Let them remind you of the work you did do well—because one loud voice doesn’t cancel out an entire chorus of support.

4. Keep it classy.

Rise above. Post a pic from the show you are proud of. Focus on your next rehearsal. Show the world that you’re taking the high road—even if deep down you’re imagining a very dramatic monologue about justice and betrayal. Theatre people talk, and nothing shuts down gossip like a gracious, grounded response. Class doesn’t mean silence—it means confidence without cruelty.

5. Let your work speak.

The best revenge is growth. Keep getting better. Keep performing. Let the loudest thing about you be your talent—not your Twitter fingers. You don’t need to convince everyone that you’re great—just keep showing them, project by project, performance by performance. Critics fade. But your artistry? That sticks around. Let that be your legacy.

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The truth is that criticism is baked into the theatre experience. Some of it will be fair. Some of it won’t be. But your job isn’t to police every opinion—it’s to keep telling stories, keep showing up, and, when needed, keep choosing grace over clapbacks.

Because the spotlight will move on. The comment section will quiet. But how you carry yourself in those moments? That’s what people remember.

And spoiler alert: dignity never goes out of style.