Creation in the time of Quarantine
Clara Elser, Features Writer
Niki Hatzidis, Features Editor
I’m writing this sitting in my suburban childhood bedroom. I’ve been here for over a month. I didn’t ever expect to be in this position. No one did. But here we are. It’s hard to focus these days. Like many people, I’ve been grappling with the concept of making things during this time. How do you create in an environment where it feels as if everything breaking apart? I feel fortunate in many ways. I’m healthy. I have a place to stay where I feel safe and can roam around a bit. I spent the first week of quarantine in my cramped New York City studio apartment and have never been more aware of how small it was. I am with my parents, who are both loving and generous people. I have a steady job teaching chess to young children. I have transitioned to teaching online and am incredibly grateful that I am able to work from home and still generate some income when so many others can not
Theater is an inherently collaborative art form. It is people gathering together in a room and trying things. It is an audience communing and watching something happening live right in front of them. But who knows how long it will be until we can come together in person? This experience has created a new sense of space and distance for me. Things move at a slower pace. Everything around us is chaotic, but there is also a profound sense of stillness that comes when you leave the hustle and bustle of city life. In the midst of all of this chaos, I struggle with feeling insignificant. There is so much about this situation that is unknown and out of our control. The initial shock of transitioning to this way of life has worn off. As this stretches on it’s beginning to feel more normal, which is somehow simultaneously comforting and scary. The first few weeks felt like I was operating in pure survival mode. Figuring out what I needed to do for myself to get through the day without falling completely into the pit of despair. In the past week, I have begun to feel the impulse to make things stir up again. It’s no accident that baking staples have become hot ticket items at the grocery store. With everyone stuck at home, there is more time to experiment with things like making bread. There is also something incredibly comforting about making something from scratch. It is the physical act of mixing things together with your hands. There is a recipe with specific ingredients that must be added together in a certain way. It is order is a world of chaos. If all goes according to plan you have an end product that is delicious. But of course, if this experience has shown us anything it is that things rarely go according to plan.
Creating a schedule for myself has been the thing that has carried me through these past weeks. I am the type of person who does well in structured environments with expectations and deadlines. I am a member of the Artist Co-Op, which has shifted to an online membership platform. They host “work sprints” twice a day on weekdays, which have been instrumental in helping me stay focused and productive. If I’m being honest, most mornings I don’t particularly want to show up to these meetings. It’s so easy to hide under the covers and just stay there. Staring up at the glow in the dark stars that decorate the ceiling of my childhood bedroom and getting lost in the fear of what the future will look like. But these are the times where I feel most productive and present in my work. Having a place where I can show up and check in with people who are grappling with the same things that I am keeps me motivated and moving forward.
The quarantine has also allowed me to engage with groups that I was not previously connected with. Shut Up and Write is an organization that encourages writers to do just what their title suggests. Gather together and just write. They have chapters all over the world. I had always thought about attending ones in New York City, but the timing never quite worked. The meetings didn’t fit into my schedule or they were in another neighborhood that I didn’t feel like trekking to on the subway. Many of the chapters have shifted to online platforms, making it easier to connect and create with other writers from all over the world. During graduate school, I regularly took classes in Alexander Technique, which focuses on body alignment. I found the classes to be useful in supporting awareness and ease in my body, something that we are all searching for in these times. I had looked into continuing classes after graduation but had not been able to find something that fit into my schedule or budget. AT Motion has been offering pay what you can online classes. Having a regular physical practice has always been important to me in maintaining my emotional well being, and it’s become even more essential now. Doing something everyday that gets me out of my head and into my body allows me to better cope with the stresses of everyday life in quarantine. The pay what you can aspect of the classes makes me feel like I am able to contribute, if only a few dollars, to an organization that supports the well being of artists.
The biggest gift I can give myself now is patience. It’s OK to feel scared and overwhelmed. It’s OK to want to spend all day lying in bed binging something terrible and mindless on Netflix. Sometimes that’s just what you need to do to get through the day. It’s OK not to write the great American play during this time. Set small manageable tasks for yourself. Put a timer on for thirty minutes and give yourself permission to write something terrible without judgment. Give yourself credit for the simple act of showing up and trying to make something, anything, in this time where it feels like everything is falling apart.
Clara Elser is a freelance theater and teaching artist based in New York City. She received an M.F.A from Sarah Lawrence College.