You Don’t "Have" to Create Right Now

Free time. That’s what this year of social distancing and sheltering in place has given us. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like at first.

And when you see other people’s social media, it’s hard not to think that. Your friends are sharing the new recipes that they’ve learned, or encouraging you to purchase tickets to see their latest virtual show. They’re learning new instruments, new hobbies, new languages, starting new businesses… It kind of feels like you have to be doing something productive right now.

And as an artist, the pressure to create feels overpowering. Why haven’t I written a new play in the last year? Why can’t I spend this time recording new music? I know I’m supposed to update my resume and website, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do it. These thoughts swirl through our heads day after day, and after a full year of the pandemic, I sometimes find myself wondering if I’m doing enough to even call myself an artist.

I write this as a reminder both to myself and to everyone else who is struggling during this time because I know that I need it, and I’m guessing that others do too. It’s okay if you aren’t able to create right now. It really is okay. It’s okay if you aren’t able to pick up that paintbrush or write that song or edit that script. It’s okay if your version of a victory is simply getting out of bed in the morning. It’s okay if all you’ve been able to do lately is watch mindless TV on Netflix. It’s okay to not be okay.

And I know that I’m not okay.

Living through a global pandemic is a kind of trauma shared by all of us. Cut off from many of the people in our lives, we spend our time worrying about our safety and the safety of the people we love. We struggle to find the bright spots in the days filled with endless Zoom calls, and we lament the loss of our jobs and the sudden, seemingly insurmountable roadblock in our careers. If you were already struggling with mental illness, these circumstances have only made it harder, and the grief we feel at the sheer loss of life is overwhelming.

Sure, we’ve been living in this situation for almost a full year, but that doesn’t make it any easier now. There was a time when we thought we’d only have to quarantine for a couple of weeks. We were watching Tiger King and making jokes and looking forward to the reopening of theatres. We had plans for the future. Now it feels like we’ve lived a full lifetime since then.

Of course, you can’t create right now! How can you be expected to be your best self when the world feels chaotic and life seems impossible? How are you supposed to make something new when you’ve been staring at the same walls for months on end and you can’t help but feel isolated and alone? It IS a victory to simply get out of bed in the morning! It’s a victory to go to work and take care of your family and to simply keep living life!

I’m glad that other people are feeling inspired right now and have the energy to create. It really and truly fills me with hope to know that there are people who are currently feeling that special excitement that comes with a new creative idea. I want to enjoy their work and soak in what they’ve been able to create. I just know that right now, I can’t create alongside them.

So yes, it’s okay to take a breather. It’s okay if you aren’t inspired right now. It’s okay to step away and take some time to heal, or even just to survive. Your passion isn’t gone forever. Your desire to create will come back. You will feel inspired again! For now, all you need to do is get through this and come out the other side. And that’s okay.