"Showmances" : Why They Should Be Embraced and Not Frowned Upon

Photo: Josh Galemore

Sean Bennett, Guest Editorial

Theatre is a uniquely emotional endeavor. Without significant personal investment into our characters and their stories, performances lack the depth and gravitas that audiences have come to expect. In short, good acting requires some amount of vulnerability. In romance and tragedy, we open ourselves up to the pain and suffering of our characters, and even in comedy, we put ourselves out there and hope that people laugh.

Basically, to act is to be vulnerable.

Great. So we’ve established one of the components that makes good acting and, therefore, good performances. Fabulous. Most of you probably already know that and are wondering what the point of this article is.

Well…let’s talk about love.

No, I don’t mean the birds and the bees or stage kisses and Shakespearean romances. I’m talking about the real thing.

Any dating advice article worth its salt will tell you that, like in theatre, vulnerability is important in a relationship. Honesty and emotional openness are the hallmarks of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, and so these qualities are also fairly important when pretending to be in a relationship.

Here’s the thing. Actors are imitating real life. But to do that to the very highest level, the lines between real life and theatre need to blur. Not so much that villains become actual murderers and a priest officiates every onstage marriage. Just enough to draw in the audience and keep them in that state of suspended disbelief for the duration of the show.

The best theatre is the kind you get lost in as an actor and audience member.

Unfortunately, humans are psychologically messy creatures who aren’t all that great at compartmentalizing emotions. Some people are better than others, of course, but in general, we are a fairly emotionally driven species. In many ways, that is one of our strengths, but it can get in the way occasionally, too.

Fictional relationships on stage and screen are just that – fictional. But find me an actor who hasn’t witnessed a romance between castmates at some point in their lives, and I will happily show you a flying pig.

When the day-to-day course of your work requires emotional vulnerability, it is only natural that your colleagues become more than just people with whom you work. In some cases, these people will have seen more of ‘you’ than even some of your own family. There is an innate trust in that, which has the potential to forge the very firmest of relationships. 

Now, add to the mix the fact that some actors will have to direct their fabricated emotions directly toward another castmate, be it love, hatred, or anything in between, and you might begin to see why there is often some emotional spillage after the curtain has dropped.

Interestingly, at least in my experience, actors playing lovers seem prone to real-world manifestations of their onstage emotions, whereas actors playing enemies seem to go more often largely unaffected. In fact, I have seen people playing mortal enemies on stage who are best friends in the wings. The nature of their characters’ relationships almost seems to strengthen that friendship through mutual amusement.

Lovers, however, are a different kettle of fish altogether.

Especially in situations that demand the traditional ‘leading man’ and ‘leading woman’ roles, it is not uncommon for actors playing lovers to spend a truly astonishing amount of time together in the run-up to and duration of a production. Indeed, I have heard many tales of actors who spend more time with their onstage partners than with their real partners at home, so intrusive can the leading romantic role in a production be.

Romance is so often central to a show that it must come across well, so directors use many exercises and acting techniques to draw out the closest approximation of true love from their actors. Therefore, we can safely assume emotions run high during rehearsals and shows. After all, we said early on that a bit of genuine emotion makes a good performance.

But directors will do similar exercises with enemies, friends, and other relationships, too, won’t they?

Possibly, yes. They are likely to focus on romantic entanglements the most, but that depends on the play’s nature and the director’s style. If they treat all their characters’ relationships equally, then we still have no explanation for why cast romances seem so prevalent.

Here’s my theory.

The Power of Love

Close friendships are a form of love. We chose people to add to our lives, like honorary family members, and we love them as if they were our own. We might not say it, but it’s true. Platonic love is a powerful and important force in all of our lives.

Love, however, is tricky. It bends and weaves and can be mistaken for something it is not. It’s not uncommon for close friends of compatible genders and orientations to wonder about their feelings and perhaps even mistake platonic affection for romantic love. Sometimes, these thoughts are fleeting; other times, they may result in a brief romantic endeavor, and occasionally, a beautiful and lifelong partnership is born.

We have already established that actors often form very close relationships with their castmates by sheer exposure and the pressure of performance. As a result, quirks of the heart like those outlined above are to be expected across the board.

Add in the fabricated romance between onstage lovers, and the natural tricksiness of love becomes supercharged to the extreme. Not only will actors spend vast amounts of time together, potentially becoming very close friends, but they will also spend most of that time tapping into their romantic emotions and ‘pretending’ to be infatuated with their friends.

Do you see where I’m going?

If romance blossoms, there is often speculation about the ‘realness’ of it all. Some such relationships do indeed fall apart after productions end, but that is by no means the rule. Moreover, even if that does happen, it does not invalidate the romance as anything other than real at the time; just because emotions change does not mean that the feelings that came before were lies.

One of the great pleasures of theatre is that it teaches us to be open to ourselves and others. In the midst of so much vulnerability, emotions will always run high. It can be beautiful and have consequences, but it is all very real.

Obviously, I am not suggesting that all actors who play couples are designed to fall for each other. Actors are consummate professionals who are more than capable of putting their true feelings aside for their craft. Plenty of people play lovers who are just friends, are generally ambivalent to one another, or even dislike each other intensely. True romance is not required to play such parts, nor is it an inevitable result.

However, by the emotional nature of theatre, the theatrical romance made real does appear to be more common than your average office meet-cute. Some relationships last, others don’t, but the fact that a couple was formed in the heat and fire of performative fiction should never be taken as an excuse to invalidate or deride the love between two people.

Romance on stage is fiction. Romance off stage is not. Sometimes, the two worlds line up, and the lines become blurred.

In the end, does it really matter what the mechanics of affection are? The possible effects of playing fictional lovers on real-world romance are fun to speculate about, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that people are happy together, regardless of how their love blossoms or lasts.

Personally, I wish them all the best.