The Challenges of Balancing Theatre and Family
Hannah Crawford, Guest Editorial
The beauty of theatre is that you meet people from all different walks of life. Theatre is a welcoming environment for those with various backgrounds, nationalities, sexualities, financial status, etc.
However, as someone who has been involved in theatre for well over a decade, one common theme I have found is an overabundance of young people who work in theatre. This is amazing, don’t get me wrong! But, the realities of mixing those who have families with younger people can sometimes take work.
Let’s break it down below.
The Time Demands of Theatre
Those of us who work in the theatre world on a gig-by-gig basis know that the job doesn’t pay near the hours we put in. Whenever I stage manage, I sometimes get off from my day job, drive straight to the theatre, and stay there until 11 p.m. I do this for the entire week.
I would often have to work weekends, whether clearing the stage out from a previous show, doubling up on rehearsals, or one-on-one rehearsals with the director and an actor. Don’t forget the cue-to-cue, which is often a 12-hour day.
When you have a family (a partner and kids at home), the time demands of working in theatre are exhausting. It’s tiring for the person involved in theatre, but it’s also taxing on the life of the partner at home who is dealing with baths, dinners, bedtimes, cleaning up the house, etc.
After rehearsals, many young people who worked alongside me wanted to get together for a late-night meal. It was almost guaranteed that dinner with the whole crew and cast was expected after every show. I found myself many times (if not all) backing out of participating in any “after fun.”
Yes, this has affected my ability to secure tighter relationships with some of the crew; however, at the end of the day, I will take what little time I do get with my family between shows or after rehearsals. It often felt like I was giving an excuse: “Sorry, I’ve got to get home to the family.”
Then, I started to learn to drop the “Sorry.” I have nothing to feel sorry for. My family will always come first. If I can get home in time to tuck my little man into bed, I will. If I can come home after my day job before rehearsal starts to make dinner for my wife and child, I will.
The Financial Realities of Having a Family
No matter how you look at it, those who have families will always have more financial expenses than those who do not. Sure, I have gone through times when I have had more money than at other times. Regardless, for the years I have had a family, I have always had that constraint of being unable to just “blow money” whenever I felt like it. I had a family to consider.
Let’s get vulnerable here for a minute. There was a time a few years ago when I was stage managing for a local theatre, and after rehearsals, the group would always go out to eat. I never once went out with them. I always made up some reason why I couldn’t.
However, the reality was that I legitimately did not have any money to go out to eat. I was struggling even to put gas in my car to make it to rehearsals, let alone go out to a restaurant after every rehearsal. It was embarrassing and hard not to enjoy a relaxed environment with the group to share the high of a rehearsal or opening night, but it was the reality I had to live with.
I share this to hopefully open the minds of those who might be getting the vibe from someone in their show who wants to go out, but there’s always an excuse. If you’re blessed and able to pay for their meal once or twice, I’m telling you it would make a world of difference to them.
Having a Supportive Network Outside of Theatre
Once upon a time, I made theatre my entire world—my job, hobby, passion, and friend's group. The older I got, the more I realized the need for having a supportive network outside of theatre. It is dangerous to make one thing, one person, or one place your entire identity. I learned this the hard way, so if I can save you from that, I want to.
The theatre offers unique challenges, time demands, financial restraints, drama, and other things that we need a support system outside that gets that. Many families don’t have supportive partners. I’m lucky to have always had a supportive partner who would pull double shifts, taking care of the entire family while I was working a show.
However, some partners legitimately cannot handle it, and that’s okay. Having a supportive network that can assist you or your partner with taking care of the kids, making a meal, or even helping with things like yard work or grocery shopping when necessary.
For this last show I worked, my wife’s sister cooked dinner for us almost every night. It was her way of showing love, and it helped us tremendously.
The other side is also having a network outside of the theatre period. No matter how much I adore theatre and those who work alongside me, sometimes I honest-to-god need a break.
As I grow older and expand my family, I take more breaks between shows. While I have an extremely supportive partner, I must also know her needs. During a show, the lack of not being around every weeknight and weekend does take a toll.
If I’m being honest, it is also taxing on me. I’m often better at a show if I take a break before the next one. The mental break and physical recuperation helped me become a better theatre professional.
Balancing life as a family woman and a theatre professional can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. Combining the passion for the arts and having a supportive system is often all it takes to make it work. As a community, we theatre professionals need to be understanding and learn how to work with those who have families.